thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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