Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
