mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
