so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
they're like a gay fantastic four
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
