and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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