all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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