Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
