I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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