nut hugger
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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