Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
