Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
