That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
