i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
