We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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