i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
