Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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