An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
