apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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