i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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