we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
