and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
