My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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