the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
