drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
