I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
