i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dicks are not precious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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