Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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