Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
