why didn't you poke me back
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize