hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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