Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
