I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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