$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
