Do you still have your period?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
