We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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