he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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