Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
