I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
