if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
