I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
