I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
