oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
