And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
