Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I intend to get homeless drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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