After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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