he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
