Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
