You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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