in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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