Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
