went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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